The Evangelist and His Wife
Buy one – get one free! We are all familiar with this marketing strategy, but sadly, this mindset has crossed into the realm of evangelistic ministry. There seems to be this idea that if you have an evangelist serving at an outreach or event, then his wife will be there serving as well. I know from my own experience; it isn’t uncommon for people to assume that my wife will be out on the streets with me or visiting every church where I preach. I’ve spoken with other evangelists who report having the same questions put to them – “Where is your wife?” “What does she do?” “Does she join you in evangelism?”
I don’t wish to be critical of those asking the question, but built within their enquiry is the presupposition that the wife of the evangelist does the exact same ministry as her husband. Sadly, this expectation puts pressure on our wives and causes them to feel the burden of a role that isn’t theirs. As evangelists, we need to keep in mind that our wives are ‘weaker vessels’ (1 Peter 3:7), so we should seek to ensure they are protected from these kinds of expectations.
I am convinced that the evangelist and his wife are a team. The evangelist needs his wife, as she is a helper given to him (Genesis 2:18); she is his partner in life and ministry. But this doesn’t mean the evangelist and his wife have the same gifting and call. Both are called to evangelism, but the wife may not necessarily have the same role and function.
Anne Graham Lotz, when speaking of her parents, Billy and Ruth Graham, stated,
I believe God called my mother just as clearly as he called my daddy – called her to world evangelism but she expressed the call by staying home, taking care of us, freeing my daddy up to answer that same call but by leaving home being the evangelist that the world’s known. I believe God called them together, the both of them. They expressed their obedience to that call in two different ways and made a complete package.
In 1 Corinthians 12, the Apostle Paul seeks to remind the church in Corinth that they are one body but with different gifts (v12-14). In v4-11, God declares that the Holy Spirit has given different giftings to different people, which means we don’t all have the same role and function. This is true when we view the big picture of the Church, but it is also true within marriage.
The wife of the evangelist is called by the Holy Spirit to evangelise (Acts 1:8), but this doesn’t mean she can or should do the same role as her husband. I see this in my own marriage. I share the gospel from pulpits and in the open-air, but that isn’t my wife’s role or gifting. I’m ‘frontline’ in evangelism, but she has more of a supportive function, and she does a very good job of keeping me in the field.
In warfighting, an army is only as useful as its supply line. The infantryman on the frontline won’t last long in the battle without support and supply. Likewise, the evangelist won’t endure long in the ministry if he lacks the support of his wife.
When we step back and view how God gifts people differently, we are prevented from saying one is more important than the other. I am not more important than my wife, and in ministry, she isn’t more important than me. The evangelist and his wife are a team; they work together to get the job done.
1 Corinthians 12:17-20 makes it clear that we all have different functions within the body; not all of us will do the same thing – but we all work together to make up one body. When I look at my wife, I see her as being gifted and called to do things I cannot do – she does these things better than I ever could! (For more on my wife’s role in evangelism, see her article - ‘Just’ a Stay-At-Home Mum…).
As evangelists, we need to realise that our wives face a unique challenge; evangelistic ministry is draining and hard, so men, make sure you take time to care for your wife. She needs you. A good team spends time together – you are not called to be an evangelist on your own; you need your wife, and she needs you.
Let me give you a few practical ways you can care for your wife as an evangelist.
1) Don’t Accept Every Invite: Sometimes, it is best to turn down speaking engagements so you can spend time with your wife. God’s elect won’t be lost because you spent time with your wife – don’t let the fear of ‘what if I don’t reach all these people’ concern you. Focus on your wife, love her, and spend time with her. God’s plan of salvation won’t be thwarted because you are spending time with your wife.
2) Take Her with You: On occasions, your wife may be able to join you for a speaking event or outreach. In those cases, take her along with you; but remember, your gifting isn’t hers. Ensure she isn’t pressured or expected to do things which she isn’t called to do.
3) Share with Her: Be open and honest about your struggles in the ministry – tell her about the hardships and trials. I know some evangelists don’t like to share their burdens with their wives, but that is contrary to Galatians 6:2. By not sharing, you are robbing your wife of the ability to fulfill a command of the Lord. Also, your wife wants to know what you are facing – she loves you and wants to be able to care for you.
Keith Fordham said, “Evangelist, enlist the help of your wife to prevent you from working yourself into a nervous breakdown. She will help you to get balance and harmony in your life.”
But don’t just share the challenges, tell her of the good news; let her know what the Lord has done through your evangelistic ministry. This will encourage her and allow her to rejoice with you (John 4:36). She is a vital member of the team, so make sure she knows of the good and bad.
4) Involve Her: A team works together, so carry out ministry tasks together. While your wife may not be gifted in the same way you are, she does have skills which will help advance the goals of the evangelistic work. For instance, every outreach report or article I write is run past my wife before publishing. I also bounce ideas off her and take seriously her opinions and thoughts. You are in the ministry with your wife, so let her be involved.
5) Encourage Her: Your wife can reach people you cannot; maybe her main ministry is to be at home with the children, pointing them to Jesus, or reaching others that she meets during her day. Encourage your wife in her God-given ministry.
6) Pray for Her: Never let a day go by where you don’t pray for your wife. She needs God’s grace just as much as you do (perhaps more as she puts up with you!!). Seek the Lord for her good.
7) Love Her: Ephesians 5:25 declares that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. This means you are to sacrifice for your wife and ensure that she feels loved. After the Lord, your wife is your priority.
Cliff Barrows stated, “No evangelist can be described as ‘successful’ if his home is in shambles because of his commitment to his calling as an evangelist.”
When you are at home, be at home. When you have a day off, spend it with her. If you are leaving for an outreach or going away for ministry, before you leave, make sure she has everything needed, and that there is enough money so she can keep the home running (also make sure there are funds so she can buy herself a treat). You can love your wife in word and deed.
There are many more practical ways that an evangelist can care for his wife; the point is, we must look after the wife the Lord has given us (Proverbs 18:22). Evangelist, your wife is your biggest supporter and blessing, make sure you protect her and take care of her.
__________